Springing forward this Spring!

Cowbells jingling in the yonder… merrily chirping birds… busily buzzing bees, flitting from tulip to rose, poppies to daisies, buttercups to pansies. That special fragrance of pure freshness, a slight nip in the air followed by long sunny days… It’s spring again!

After the short and dark winter days, the early blossoms, the sprigs on twigs, and the flower strewn grass makes my heart want to sing with joy!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the crisp white winter mornings, under the expanse of the bright blue skies. The snow. The sun. The cold. Once I motivate myself to get into fleeces and jackets, stoles and caps, woolen stockings and snow shoes that make me feel over a 100 kilos, I even enjoy that much-needed refreshing walk in the snow.

But then, there are also those depressing cold, grey, frosty days… For a while you can soothe your spirits with hot coffee, chocolate cake, lots of hot spicy or not so spicy food, but once you step on the scale you realize you can’t cheer yourself up on the normally “cheat food” diet! I then so desperately need my Spring.

And now it’s here!

This Spring of 2015 also marks a special metamorphosis of life. Just as the caterpillar sheds off its cocoon and old ways of living, and spreads beautiful wings to emerge as a gorgeous butterfly, I shed off my old thoughts, emotions, feelings that no longer are essential, in fact – a large chunk of who I was, to emerge into a new me – rejuvenated, rewired and reborn.

Y2014 has come and gone – leaving me in a state of insecurity, shaken up to the core of my being, beaten hollow emotionally, and having to face realities that I thought were only stories from soaps! My only stability and strength came from my husband. His support and understanding kept me going. But my internal tower of self was crumbling – an episode of my life had made me question my entire childhood, my entire existence, my values and belief system.

To rebuild myself after questioning those I trusted, removing the webs of miscommunication, clearing the air, I came face to face with a new reality of life. Things are not always what you are made to believe. There are realities within realities that remain hidden. And if the core is strong – you can create your own rebirth from that same core – yet emerge stronger, brighter, confident and a person you can trust!

I learned – it’s okay to feel sad, low, broken, ruined, unwanted, betrayed…

But it’s eminent to feel the emotions to their complete intensity – and then, let go – just like that! Let go – and the way ahead opens up.

My belief in karma, creation of it, and rebirths within the same lifetime has strengthed. Just desserts, something that goes around, comes around, and that my belief that you face your heaven and hell in the same lifetime and on the same planet has strengthened through the cold and dark winter months of my mind. My hibernation – although spent not asleep but in a rather awakened state – has ended. I’ve managed to spring clean my past, my relationships with my childhood, my equations with the child in me. My Spring has begun.

It’s time to bloom, blossom and move on – enjoying every second of my today. My now. And the jingling cowbells only send me a message of assurance. The fresh fragrance in the air promises hope. The bees and the birds dispel joy. And the clear blue skies indicate freedom!

Here’s to life!


Preach what you practice, parents!

“When a child first catches adults out—when it first walks into his grave little head that adults do not always have divine intelligence, that their judgments are not always wise, their thinking true, their sentences just—his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child’s world is never quite whole again. It is an aching kind of growing.” – John Steinbeck, East of Eden

The above quote is so very true – and whether your god’s fall at 4 or at 40 – the pain, the helplessness, the despair fills your being. I guess it’s harder at 40 than at 4 – for the longer you believe in certain people, the longer you trust them, the stronger is the bond…

So for all the parents out there – live by the values you teach your kids.

Make them strong – for when they fall – they know how to get up, dust off, and move on! I thank my mother Neelam for  making me who I am – as a daughter, and now as a mother myself!

When faith dies…

When faith dies.. All hope is lost

What you were to me, had you realized, you would have mourned your loss today

Her carefree attitude brought peace, solace, and hope, while your words of wisdom took my troubles away…

I walked the line as taught by you – with blind faith in you,

While behind my back years later I found – a total stranger in you!

I applauded your achievements

With your hallo of success –you would never let us down…

But here I am – with broken faith and eyebrow marked with a frown.

People, relationships – they all metamorphose

What’s remains constant is change…

But when it’s the garb of deceit that falls,

You have no clue what lies in exchange!

Hell breaks lose

The fire of rage surges

Stripping your soul right through

With the flames of disgust it merges

The head hurts

The heart aches

The mind is numbed with disbelief

Despair, darkness, doubt…

You wonder why?