I’m a woman, after all…
… And I love being her!
More than an umpteen number of times I’ve heard men say and believe that women are complicated. I’ve heard women argue they aren’t. So one evening, I thought there must be some truth to both sides of the story.
She’s soft, gentle, caring, loving, a hardworking individual (plus all the clichés of being a good woman). At the same time, she’s ambitious, egoistic, intelligent and intuitive.
Basing my theory of femininity on the Hindu culture – I’d say she transforms from being Saraswati – the giver of knowledge, to Lakshmi – the bringer of wealth, Durga – the epitome of motherhood and power, and to Kali – destroyer of all that is not warranted and wanted.
Inspired by the classic musical, ‘My Fair Lady’ based on George Bernard Shaw’s ‘Pygmalion’, I’d like to say, she has in her, the milk of human kindness. And, I’d add, the power of complete destruction.
She is naturally giving and forgiving, but will not let herself be pushed into subservience today (or so I hope – there are those martyrs who do get pushed around all the time, and others some of the time). Sacrifice where sacrifice is needed – of self or for those connected to self. I’d say that makes sense. Arrogance and negligence, where they are needed – for the protection of self worth and the safety of those who matter to her. Standing up for her values, her loved ones, and herself is what she does with no second thought.
And before you start wondering if I am living in an alternate world away from reality – let me say no – I’m very much in tune with reality. What often happens is that due to the ways of the world – a woman is prone to forgetting who she really is (and that’s not just an excuse)! She traverses and transcends from one role into the other, seamlessly. What she forgets is to step back and rejuvenate her being. She often forgets that she is human.
But, she has her needs and wants – and she knows when which of her ‘avatar’ is going to show up her head and when (unless the hormones get the better of her)! In a seemingly chaotic and full life, she knows her ropes and knows how her right and wrong buttons are pressed.
Let’s take the man now: A man staring out of the window or simply doing nothing is an often seen sight. You think, he’s a dreamer, (oh, that lucky one!). Well, the guy usually is thinking of ‘nothing’. In this nothingness, perhaps lies the secret of being in the present and letting yourself go… Perhaps, he is unconsciously ‘recharging’ himself. How often do you see a woman do that?
Lets take the woman now. If a man does happen to see a woman in the same dreamlike state – he wonders at how idle she is, how lucky she is that she doesn’t have much to do… (erm… if only dear man, you could look at those crisscrossing neon signals within her neurons and grey matter).
If she decides to have a coffee with her friends to recharge her batteries, might even have the audacity to you talk about her little luxury in a dismissive way. Or spout jealousy!
But again, if you, as a man, see your girlfriend or wife or a lady colleague buzzing about in the office or at home, you tell her to sit because the world won’t crash if she stops to take a deeper breath! The minute she sits, you assume dinner will sort itself out, the cutlery will be in place, the table will be laid and a feast will miraculously appear. Or, that presentation will automatically be prepared to perfection while the lady sits by your side for a breather. Right? That doesn’t happen. So, man-o-man, you need a reality check.
Tip: Put your ‘usual expectations’ on the backseat if you want spurts of her pleasant company; and take on some of her chores if you want her undivided attention while she’s with you. Massive tip: ensure meeting her standards and completing the chore you’ve taken on – or lose face and face her wrath!
Now that brings me to chivalry. Yes, yes, yes – that’s one big YES.
On the one hand, we women are independent strong-minded people and despise being looked at as helpless in anyway. We usually (even through chaos and messes) have everything under control. You offer help and we shun it saying, “No thanks, I can manage.” You offer to pay and we say “No – I’ll pay my share”. On the other hand we dream of our chivalrous knight in shining armor. That said, let me assure you – we women do not have personality disorders. Neither are we unsure of what we want or don’t want.
What we despise is the look or the pompous attitude that the man displays on making so-called chivalrous offers. Don’t open the door with a ‘let-me-help-you (you poor thing)’ look in your eye. Do it because you want to! Each time you want to do something for a woman, don’t assume that we can’t do without your help. Do it because you want to show you care.
Change your approach. Take your own responsibility and pull your weight. Yes, we want to be independent, but we want to be cared for with love. We are strong, but we love to be pampered – just because…
One way or the other – all that really matters is your approach and outlook – and the way you act… See, simple as that! But I guess, it’s not all that simple for men.
What men lack truly is the multiple dimensions of understanding – not of the woman, but of their own actions 😉
(Hunger games? So ‘last season’! Sometimes girls, lets just have some fun by playing out the mind games. Lets get them further into jumping through our hoops 😉 Mean, eh!)